so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
