He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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