I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We're too hungover to prance.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
