Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
