If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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