I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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