I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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