He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
