Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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