i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
