She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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