so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
