How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
