Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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