I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
