Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am never drinking with the goths again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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