But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
