last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
