moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
