Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
