you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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