i don't plan on having that self control this summer
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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