if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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