Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
