who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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