The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
worst night to have a conscience
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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