By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
