afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
