PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
