This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
