i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
