I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sorry my hands just texted you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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