we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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