just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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