would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
