i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
