That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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