dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
