I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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