Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
