# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
