Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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