I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Drunk is not a location!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
