I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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