I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
