My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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