sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
