im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
