I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
there is glitter all over my balls
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