how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
