I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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