Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
40s are totally the cure
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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