are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
