Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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