and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize