where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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