Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
