Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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