trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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