youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
