Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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