Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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