I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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