just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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