Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
