the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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