Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize