Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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