It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
