Can i not drive my cunt home
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
