May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
