He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize