I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
