Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
